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Joy Cometh in the morning Psalms 30 .5. Look sharply after your
thoughts, They come unlooked for, like a new bird seen in your trees,
and, if you turn to your usual task, disappear.
"Joy Cometh in the morning", yes maybe unless
you’re re a sufferer of an anxiety disorder. For sufferers of OCD,
OCSDs and other anxiety disorders particularly GAD, Panic Disorder or
PTSD joy is most certainly not one’s first experience in the morning.
Indeed sufferers of most mental illnesses including depression often
find the early hours after waking to be one of the most difficult times
of the day. Often sufferers from mental health problems wake early and
are unable to return to sleep and are thus left at the mercy of the
tormenting thoughts and images from within. This is the time when frightening thoughts
beset the mind with fearful imaginings; when one feels the effects of
anxiety to be most profound; when the pervading feelings of fear clutch
the heart in a more pronounced way and we appear to have a less
rationale perspective. The morning is a time when the intrusive fearful
thoughts and images that incur upon our lives appear to have gathered a
more powerful momentum; the anxieties and fears that plague our lives
during the day now seem after a nights sleep to be even more
overwhelming. The mornings are
often the most difficult time for many. It is the time when the
depressed person upon waking becomes suddenly conscious of the heavy
burden that bears down upon his or her heart and the familiar black hole
of despair opens up pulling them down into another day of bleak
despondency. And the sufferer unable to face the world pulls the covers
over his or her head and remains in bed unable to confront another day. The moment that I
open my eyes and become aware of my existence immediately some worry or
fear presents itself. It might be free floating anxiety or the consuming
horror of an existential feeling of terror that besets me causing that
clutching anxious feeling of which we are all so familiar. It may be
that unwanted and worrying thoughts intrude upon my mind with dreadful
scenarios of doom and disaster: both real and imagined worries vie for
space to torment my exhausted soul. During the first hours after waking
some on-going worry or problem in my life takes on huge proportions; I
cannot lie in bed as the torment never ceases and the fears grow bigger
and bigger and the solutions seem increasingly more elusive. Doubts and
resentments grow in significance and "videos" of past experiences play an
never ending loop tape as once again one relives a traumatic event from
the past as frightening or sorrowful experiences, both real and or
imagined, are replayed. And before we know it we lie there wrapped in
this scenario filled with anxiety, sorrow, grief, anger or depression
sometimes not even realising that this inner "video" has been turned on.
Often the regrets one feels for ones wasted life also return to haunt
one first thing in the morning. I also have the
added burden of waking most mornings with a headache, sometimes severe,
which may transform into migraine. Sometimes it is less severe but most
mornings it is there added to by aches and pains which are more severe
upon waking and which I am told are caused by depression and stress but
which I believe are caused by fibromyalgia. These illnesses whatever one
wishes to call them are a dismal start to the morning and invariably my
heart is filled with the heavy weight of despair. My solution is to
get up unless the hour is extremely early. Lying in bed simply is
impossible for me as the aches and pains are just too severe and
gradually upon rising they subside to more tolerable levels. However
even without such aches or pains lying in bed with ones head full of
negative and frightening thoughts and ones heart leaden with depression
simply gives room for the escalation of such symptoms as the mind is
unoccupied and before we even realise it the mind is embroiled in one
disaster scenario or another as intrusive thoughts crowd the mind with
increasing rapidity. Having finally got
out of bed, which can be no easy matter when one is depressed or
fatigued, it is than beneficial to pursue some distracting occupation.
Those with OCD should try not to become too involved with rituals and
compulsions but instead save these inevitable parts of our lives until
later. Or if such rituals are not too time consuming or complicated get
them over with first than try to do something that occupies the mind
something that you enjoy or at least glean some satisfaction from. I
personally work on the computer starting with the Internet and than go
on to whatever project I am involved in, such as this website, most of
which was created during the first two or three hours after rising. Yes
obsessions and compulsions get in the way even when using the computer
such as those mentioned in Meditation in the
early hours of the morning can also be beneficial even for OCD
sufferers. Yes strange as it seems, at least in my personal experience,
when one is formally meditating the mind seems less prone to intrusive
thoughts of an OCD nature. Other thoughts and images intrude as every
one who takes up meditation knows but these are fleeting and fragmentary
albeit persistent, but rarely if at all I have been affected by
significant OCD thoughts during meditation. Meditation can have a
claming effect upon ones tired and distraught mind and this is excellent
for those with GAD, PTSD. Panic Disorder and for sufferers of
free-floating anxiety - a symptom of anxiety disorders which seems more
prevalent first thing in the morning. Exercise such as
yoga or Tai chi or for the more fit aerobics or a walk if the weather is
pleasant will help to make one feel less overwhelmed by those early
morning anxieties. Yes it is all very
well for me to advocate such positive but possibly some potentially
difficult endeavours for those of us with the problems mentioned above,
and yes I am not always up to the task, often either too depressed or
too burdened with anxiety. I had at one time practiced Tai chi each
morning for 15 minutes to music and it was helpful. It made me feel that
at least for those 15 minutes I was doing something beneficial, not only
for the duration of the practice but also something that may help my
mood and consequently my ability to cope better in the long term.
However in recent months I have been very remiss and let an increase in
depression due to the continuation of trying circumstances, not only
with my illnesses but with an inability to cope with an increasingly
difficult life, prevent me from doing my early morning Tai Chi, and I
have dropped this regular practice. Furthermore at this time in my life it would
be impossible to take a walk alone because of my OCD just to mention a
few of the possible difficulties we may encounter. There are many
reasons why for some of us this advice may not be suitable as we are all
different and sufferer in varying degrees from our respective illnesses.
And there is nothing worse than having some well meaning person give a
lot of advice which can be impossible for us to follow and indeed such
can be exasperating and we feel that this person does really have no
idea what it is like to suffer in the way that we do. You may think: how
can I practice Tai Chi or exercise when I can barely rise from my bed
overwhelmed perhaps by the benumbed immobile feelings of lethargy often
experienced when one is profoundly depressed or when anxious,
when every effort is a major undertaking. Or how can I sit and read or
work on the computer when I have so many OCD rituals that make it
impossible to do such things. Again see
My Story or
my memoir.
I do know what it is like and continues to be like. I
have suffered for years and know that what works for me may be
impossible for another or what worked for me last week is not workable
this week. Its a case of
finding a distraction suitable for how one feels at a particular time in
ones life if it is all possible, but not to feel hopeless if we cannot
do anything at all at this point in our lives as things will change. At
one time I could not read at all because of an obsession with a
certain number, so at this time I could not read as a distraction,
however this problem is easier now although others have taken its place.
Perhaps at this time you may be too depressed or stressed to
concentrate, after all learning Tai Chi needs some concentration but in
time this may change. As already mentioned in My Story I can get
headaches from the practice of meditation and occasionally Tai Chi,
however this will not happen with everyone and from what I understand
such an occurrence is not usual. Everyone is different and if headaches
are not your problem and you feel that your depression or stress will
not seriously impair your ability to practice than meditation and Tai
Chi really do have beneficial effects upon ones mood long after the
formal practice is over. At the moment I can’t practice or learn the
next form in Tai Chi, my brain simply cannot recall the movements even
though I can manage to construct a website, the brain does not always
work the way we expect it and stress can effect how we concentrate: what
we were able to do at one time may not be possible at another. Hopefully
this will change, do as much or as little as you can and this goes for
all our activities and endeavours to lead a normal life at any time of
the day not just the mornings. I continue to go to my Tai Chi classes
and do my best and wave my hands around, it does not matter if I cannot
recall what to do because my mind can’t take it in right now maybe later
on this will change. So its a case of finding the right thing at the
right time. But if you are too ill, and believe me I have been there when all I could do was cling to my husband in a state of utter dread and fear, to do anything much requiring concentration or effort than try to find something less demanding even if its only watch TV or listen to the radio. Do not let people tell you that such pastimes are a waste of time; someone once remarked that she would rather watch paint dry than watch daytime TV when I had told her that that was all I could do with my headaches. Surely watching daytime TV even if it tends to be rather limited, or the films are ancient, or the programmes are not what we would normally watch is still better than doing nothing and having to lie down with a pounding head or a mind swarming with horrifying and depressing thoughts. Yes I hear you say how can you watch TV or use a computer with chronic headaches? Believe it or not unless I have a migraine I can do these things and they provide distraction I even go to the cinema with a headache! Again we are all different, this simply illustrates the point that we are all individuals and what works for one person may not work for another and therefore we need to do what we feel we can do at a certain time in our lives. I used to find that listening to talk radio programs where viewers ring in to discuss issues with the the presenter was a good distraction when I was so ill with either OCD or headaches to do anything other than sit. Also chatting to a friend or family member if such is available can help to alleviate that early morning misery. Often my sister would telephone when she was overwhelmed with free floating anxiety in the morning or there was a particular ordeal to face that day and I would do likewise and for a time we gained from one another a more normal perspective and for a while the pronounced early mornings fears seemed a little less ominous.
Lastly I find it helpful, at least for a while, to change my environment from time to time so when I wake I am not greeted by the same old surroundings which have become associated with previous miseries. I came across this advice many years ago, I think it was from one of Claire Weeks' books ( excellent books particularly for agoraphobia and panic disorder) however after so much time as passed I cannot be sure. The idea is to change one's environment, to do so has the effect of reducing things that trigger our anxiety or depression. This is especially so if we have made some improvement and do not need to be confronted by reminders of our former suffering. Try to alter your decor from time to time. Such as for instance changing the pictures on the wall, a new bed cover, moving the furniture, new curtains, decorating or even buying a new dressing gown or a pair of slippers. This helps to dispel old memories of how ill we were the previous day, month, year, or for however long we have had to endure our unhappiness. Such changes need not be drastic or expensive, even just a small alteration can make a difference for a few days. You need not keep buying new things simply interchange them, have a selection of pictures or ornaments and swap them round from time to time. Particularly in the bedroom and bathroom. I find the bathroom one of the most difficult places in the house to cope with first thing in the morning, walking in there after a difficult night's sleep to be faced with the same old untidy mess is in deed detrimental. Place attractive pictures, ornaments, plants if the room is suitable, include some some crystals or brightly stones and brightly coloured towels. keep it tidy and make sure no mildew is embedded in tiles, such really adds to ones misery, bitter reminders that perhaps we are not coping. I find in any case that if ones environment is as tidy as possible and as aesthetically pleasing as possible it does help to make one feel less hopeless and despondent. I know when you are so depressed that this advice may seem a bit of an added burden and as I know from my own experience it can be so easy simply to let things go but if at all possible try to at least keep your personal space tidy and as aesthetically pleasant as possible.
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