|
Short Version
Home
Return to
:
Articles
Introduction
Aspergers syndrome: A personal consideration (extended
version)
Social interaction problems: Asperger Syndrome
I
consider that I may have Asperger syndrome (AS) or other
autism spectrum disorder (ASD).
OCD is of course my main concern and it is an incapacitating
and a severe detriment to living a normal fulfilling life.
Nonetheless I have had throughout my life difficulties with
social interaction which has enhanced the difficulties
experienced with OCD.
Receiving a diagnosis of Aspergers syndrome if such is
appropriate might help me to understand why I have had
such a difficult life concerning my relationships with other
people and why I have never fitted in socially not even with
other OCD sufferers.
Since my son has received a diagnosis of Aspergers syndrome
and I consider that I may also be on the autism spectrum as
a duel diagnosis to my OCD, (Because of its severity I
consider OCD as the primary condition which exists as a
separate diagnosis rather than part of AS). I felt that
the possibility of an ASD may explain why I have so many
difficulties in any social situation, why it is difficult to
have friends or other relationships and why I have
sensitivity problems such as to noise, bright lights, rough
cloths and a whole range of other considerations too lengthy
for me to explain in detail here. I have social anxiety
problems even if these cannot be considered as diagnostic of
an ASD. I believe the presence of Aspergers syndrome, if
indeed I have this condition, (or at least considerable
autistic traits), may be one of the reasons my OCD remains
intractable. I think that receiving this diagnosis, if
appropriate, will help me to make some sense out of the
difficult life which I have led, not only as a result of
severe OCD but also because of these other symptoms which I
now believe best fit the diagnosis of Aspergers syndrome. I
understand it is rare to receive the diagnosis of both OCD
and AS a duel diagnosis because of the overlaps in certain
areas however in my case I personally feel that it is
possible that I do indeed have OCD and AS or other ASD. It
is my personal opinion that this possibility is in fact more
common than is realised.
Symptoms which lead me to consider the possibility that I
may have Aspergers syndrome.
(The
symptoms I have listed relate to the criteria in the DSM
BehaveNet® Clinical Capsule™:
Asperger's Disorder as
far as I understand it and similar diagnostic criteria and
other symptoms I which I feel may be relevant to the
possible diagnosis of AS or other ASD)
Difficulties with social interaction
The
title of Robert Heinlein’s science fiction novel “A Stranger
in a Strange Land” nicely describes how I feel for most of
the time.
I
have difficulties initiating, maintaining and ending a
conversation
For
as long as I can remember I have experienced hampered
conversational ability. I do not fit in socially. I am
unable to think fast enough to form the words to communicate
quickly or clearly, neither can I think or process
information quickly enough to respond in the way people
expect. I am often therefore unable to express my thoughts,
or say what I wish to say or even to formulate thoughts
quickly enough to respond. I cannot think of anything to
say, sometimes there are no thoughts there no matter how
much time I have to respond. I find speaking to
anyone difficult. I find it very difficult to express myself
verbally and this is especially so if I need to discuss
health issues or emotional problems. However any type of
verbal communication does not come naturally, even the most
simple of social interaction is difficult. I am hopeless
at small talk. I dread making a phone call. In a
group of people I will remain silent feeling awkward,
conspicuous, tongue-tied. I become quietly panicky,
wanting to say something but not able to do so. I invariably
feel awkward not just because of my inability to participate
or initiate conversation but also in a way not easy to
describe as though I feel physically out of place, clumsy
and awkward with unnatural movements, and I feel as though
this is noticeable. It is as though there is an barrier
between me and others, it is as though there is no
connection with others.
These communication difficulties I believe, have been a
detriment in getting people to understand my OCD problems
particularly now that they are so complicated and interwoven.
I find it easier to write than talk although there is still
a problem with writing. I do write prolifically and it does
take inordinate lengths of time not only because of the OCD
checking and rumination problems but also because it is
difficult for me to find the correct words to express
myself.
I rehearse expected
conversations, impromptu conversations leave me tongue-tied.
I find it difficult to switch conversation topics. I do not
know how to interact with others; I am socially inept and
don’t fit in.
I
have throughout my life virtually found it impossible to
form relationships with people of my own peer group. Even
when young I referred the company of much older people. With
very few exceptions I have had few close relationships.
At the present time I have no friends. Childhood was a
lonely experience of social isolation, I avoided unnecessary
contact with other children.
During adulthood attempts to be normal with rehearsed
conversations and contrived attempts at fitting in produced
some superficial friendships but little else.
Notwithstanding such social ineptitudes I met my husband and
we are soul mates and this, believe it or not, may be due to
the fact that he also may have some autistic disorder along
with attention deficit disorder
I used to consider
my social inabilities as a form of social phobia. Now
however I think my social inabilities may be due to Asperger
syndrome and the phobic element arises from fears concerning
rejections by society who fail to understand my social
interaction problems.
When I am involved
in conversation, which sadly is becoming less often, I find
it difficult to maintain a flow of conversation and often
not knowing when to change subjects - I usually leave that
to the other person who finally gets bored with my inability
to change topics. I just do not know when a subject has
concluded and how to introduce another without an abrupt
change. I repeat things over and over. Knowing when a
subject has concluded is ambiguous and awkward. Also there
is the problem of not knowing what to say unless the
conversation is about something which I am interested in or
have a passionate opinion about such as politics and
religion. I can't concentrate on mundane conversations and
my mind wanders off somewhere and I look spaced out and miss
what has been said. Such of course is a significant
impairment in all areas of social function either with
friendships or even simply to make complaints or an enquiry
. Telephones are the worst means of communication and is
more difficult than a face to face conversation. Letters and
Email are much easier, however instant messages can be a
problem though there is at least more time to think. I lost
a job many years ago; I was told that because I did not join
in conversations that I made the atmosphere uncomfortable
for my co workers. There are so many similar examples which
have occurred throughout my life.
During conversations
I cannot process information fast enough to respond.
To use computer analogy: It is as though I am working with
Pentium 1 while everyone else is on Pentium 4 sometimes I
just freeze and cant think of any response.
Furthermore my
inability to interact with others has increased quite
dramatically I no longer answer the telephone leaving this
task my husband. I will use the telephone if I am initiating
the call and know the person I am telephoning and have some
idea what to say having rehearsed this, and I sometimes I
write it all down first. Nonetheless I am anxious when
making a phone call and often procrastinate until I really
am compelled to do so often until it is too late. For
instance the insurance ran out on my computer before I made
the phone call concerning a fault with my monitor now I will
have to buy a new one.
I used to desire social interaction with others but have
trouble knowing how to make it work. At the present time I
now seem less keen to do this as it is exhausting and
anxiety provoking to such a degree that my ability to
converse with others has deteriorated, the ordeal of social
interaction is stressful to the extreme.
I once belonged to a
computer club my husband had to go with me even though he
has no interest in computers. The other members where of
similar age most older than I. But I could simply not fit
in. I felt conspicuous awkward and for most part both of us
where excluded, left out. I know enough about computers to
join in intelligently, even enough to perhaps help others
with their problems but no I simply do not know how to
integrate, social interaction does not come naturally at all
not like it appears to do for many others who mix and
converse without a thought as naturally as the way that we
breathe, without any forethought or anxiety. Part of the
problems lies in the fact that I do not share with others my
interests. For instance I could have mentioned my son’s
website which I created for him in the beginning. But no
there is something that prevents me from doing so, something
I cannot quite put my finger on. I find it difficult to tell
people much of anything perhaps I simply do not know how. I
see a situation that allows for an opening but often I let
such situations pass overcome by a hesitancy, the reason for
which is often very difficult to define. Mostly I am lost
for words. For instance one day another member was sitting
there looking at a front-page manual, the same software I
have used to create both websites. Now I could have said to
him something like: Have you created a website? Are you in
the process of creating a website. I have used front page to
create my website... There are any number of things I could
have said to initiate conversation yet I did not as at the
time I could not think how to say these things and the
moment passed as so often it does. Maybe it is that I have
to organise what I say and even after doing so when I open
my mouth to speak it is unnatural and comes out muddled and
I often stammer and than the eye contact problems adds even
more difficulties. Yes there is no doubt that others can
tell that I have a problem with eye contact.
Other social
interaction difficulties include difficulties in accepting
criticism or correction. I am naïve and tend to trust others
and often miss the devious intentions of others. This has
resulted in a certain level of paranoia.
I have difficulty
with reciprocal displays of pleasantries and greetings and
congratulatory responses, feeling awkward not knowing quite
how to go about this in particular as such attempts are
often ignored.
Difficulty with eye Contact
Eye contact is for
me a significant problem I find eye contact difficult even
with my husband and son. Eye contact or lack thereof is a
prominent feature of my inability to interact socially as
such is sometimes very significant and people I know feel
considerable discomfort when speaking with me. I simply have
no idea when to look someone in the eye; for how long and
when it is appropriate to look away. Most of the time I
either look away repeatedly or whilst trying to be normal
stare into someone’s eyes for too long resulting in an
obvious discomfort as the person with whom I am conversing
turns their gaze away with marked unease.
Difficulty with
physical contact
I tend to shy away
from physical contact and if it does happen I do not know
how to reciprocate. For example my mother in law would
embrace and kiss me and I could never return the affection
particularly when we first met. I never know how to react in
such situations particularly when this happens with people I
am not comfortable with, which is just about everyone except
my husband and son and than at times that also feels
unnatural as if it is a learned response. I would always
stiffen if my sister embraced me and my mother claims that
whenever she picked me up for cuddle as a baby and later as
a child I would push her away and become stiff and rigid. I
find physical contact produces overwhelming sensations
difficult to explain, this has increased considerably in
recent years. I am awkward in such social situations where
it might be expected to have physical contact with others,
in fact part of the problem is that I do not know when it is
appropriate to have physical contact and when it is not,
even if I wanted such contact. I don’t like handshakes. Hugs
with anyone other than my husband and son is intolerable and
awkward and even with either of them just lately this is
difficult. I am finding it increasingly difficult to cope
with the sensation of touch particularly light touch,
sometimes I am so sensitive to touch I can’t even bear my
husband to touch me feeling so overwhelmed by sensations
difficult to describe. I worry that he feels I have rejected
him.
Inability to share achievements
This
has always been a problem and my hesitancy to share
achievements, as described in the previous example
concerning the computer club, I have previously put down to
modesty and lack of self esteem thinking that no one will be
interested. I do however try to at least pretend to be
interested in other peoples interests but at times I overdo
this and it then can seem obviously insincere.
Sharing interests and pointing out things of interest to
other people is difficult and in fact after so long of never
doing this it has become a habit not to do so and I tend not
to think about it. I will sometimes point out things of
interest to my husband and son but with others,
acquaintances and strangers, I would never point out
anything of interest even if I knew that the person
concerned was interested. Why I do not know, I simply feel
uncomfortable or I simply cannot express myself articulately
to do so and often in many conversations I can’t get a word
in sometimes, and I do not know how to interrupt other than
abruptly. It appears to me that with very few exceptions
most people talk and talk. My brain gets overloaded I
can’t focus on what they‘re saying, particularly if the
conversation is mundane or trivial. This is one of the
most difficult problems I have conversing with others other
than actually not knowing what to say, most times in
situations were the other person is talking incessantly I
either never say a word or I have to blurt out what I am
going to say and the person than seems surprised.
I
understand that many people with AS will talk incessantly
about their interests but more like a monologue rather than
a proper conversation. For me with anyone other than my
husband or son this is something I never do as I cannot
communicate sufficiently well enough to do so. Even with my
husband and son I really do not talk much about my
interests.
I lack social or
emotional reciprocity
I realise when
someone is attempting to socialise however I am unable to
respond particularly if the situation arises spontaneously
and I have not had time to rehearse and consider what I will
say and how I will react. For example if a stranger or even
an acquaintance or relative initiates a conversation for
which I am not prepared I become tongue-tied. Mostly this is
of course much worse if the person is a stranger and it is a
conversation which has been forced upon me unexpectedly.
Mostly I barely respond and if I do my comments are brief
and uncoordinated and inarticulate. For example recently a
little girl whom I actually suspect as having some problem
or other herself suddenly appeared and said to me: “ It is
uncomfortable walking upon the stones?” We were in the ruins
of an old abbey and the floor was paved with cobbles. I
could think of nothing to say and responded with “yes yes”
and walked on. I felt just awful but I simply was unable to
respond quickly without preparation. This has been the way
all my life and has caused much loneliness and pain.
Concerning Emotional
responses, these are out of proportion to the situation,
they are basically more intense and mostly negative.
Concerning other
people’s feelings and my attempts at responding to such: I
believe I have some empathy - at least what I assume is
empathy and not some kind of transference. My emotions and
empathy it seems are all or nothing. It appears that I
have only empathy for people whom I consider are
experiencing the same emotions as myself :unhappiness, pain,
stress and other negative emotions . Indeed I am very
sensitive to negative emotions and feel profoundly the
sorrow and misery of others even those I do not know. (And
the pain and misery of animals whose suffering causes me
immense pain). I once saw a homeless person in the street
crying. I offered help but my inarticulate manner made
matters worse, I then cried myself. Often I am overwhelmed
completely by the sorrow of the entire world - at least my
perceived sorrow of the entire world. However, and this is
the crux of the matter, I have no empathy for the more
joyful emotions of others. For instance I cannot get all
excited if someone announces a wedding or pregnancy the way
other people do, such events leave me cold. I just don’t
have the emotions and find it hard to fake them for the
benefit of others. Furthermore I cannot express what
empathy I do have (or perhaps it’s my transferred
misery which I think is empathy) to another.
My empathy or
emotions are simply not the same as other people’s appear to
be, mine are perhaps inappropriate, for instance I recall
many years ago during a bad time with my OCD how I genuinely
cried when hearing a commentary on the radio about Robbie
Burns, who died in his thirties and how on the day of his
funeral his wife gave birth. I recall actually crying, I
mean seriously crying, as it felt so sad.
It has to be said if
I am to be entirely honest, there are times when my emotions
towards others seem dead as though they have been turned off
and I feel cold and indifferent, and often times this occurs
with people I know well rather than those I do not. I feel
ashamed for on a different level, a non emotional level, I
do care about this person and what happens to them and
should they be in dire straits I often go out of my way
often at detriment to myself to offer help, yet the actual
emotions are non existent. Conversely I see a person who I
do not know who is clearly distressed or severely disabled
and I experience what I assume is compassion.
I prefer animals to
most people, at least I have stronger feelings towards
animals. In the same way as I have more feelings towards
disadvantage people.
Perserverations and
repetitive behaviours
As a
sufferer of OCD there is of course some overlap, however the
preoccupations, in other words obsessions that I refer to
here are intense and addictive interests and not the same as
the OCD obsessions, and I do know the difference.
For
me there has always been some intense and obsessive
preoccupation with some interest, idea or activity.
In the last few years it has been the computer including: my
website site, graphics programs, the internet and so on. I
have other interests such as art but this is not such an
obsession and quite often a good deal of my art work has
something to do with the computer anyway, such as my
attempts to make hand drawn clip art.
I
often resent having to do other things to the extent that my
depression becomes more profound and I become irritated.
I
have a long deep and abiding religious preoccupation however
this may have more to do with the OCD as there are many
religious and superstitious obsessions and compulsions.
Nonetheless religion as a comprehensive interest in all
religious belief is indeed one of my interests and you would
be hard pressed to find a book in my home which belonged to
me that was not about religion, philosophy, metaphysics or
esoteria. Yet I do not now believe in any religion.
In
the past I have had periods of intense interest in many
obscure and narrow interests such as the Chinese cultural
evolution, the Bolshevik revolution and the culture and
religion of Tibet. Such interests have been pursued often at
the exclusion of all others. I like to read but the focus is
on my interest, although nowadays I tend to read little
fiction feeling it a waste of time. Concerning fiction
usually the story has to have a point, I have to have leaned
something from it, it has to be serious. I prefer science
fiction the type that teaches something or expresses a
theory. In fact everything I do has to have some purpose,
this tendency has increased recently; many things such as
certain TV programs I once enjoyed now seem pointless and
boring, a waste of time. These intense interests change,
some return when replaced by a new interest others do not.
The only difference between myself and most people with
Aspergers is memory. Although I have this tendency to be
preoccupied in narrow and limited subjects I do not have the
good memory associated with Aspergers syndrome for all the
facts and figures, at least not with the ease of seemingly
effortless memory associated with Aspergers syndrome. If you
asked me to tell you dates and other facts concerning any of
the subjects which interest me either now or in the past I
would not be able to recall them at least not in that
precise way that most people with Aspergers are able. To put
it simply my memory is poor. Particularly my short term
memory.
I
can’t recall the unusual collections of odd items associated
with sufferers of Asperger in childhood except for a time
during which I collected car registration numbers and Lego
both to collect and to construct.
In
recent years I have collected huge numbers of stuffed sheep,
ornamental sheep, pictures of sheep and after buying a
digital camera, I of course take endless photographs of
sheep. I do seem to be rather be obsessed with sheep not in
an OCD way as I have said before I do most certainly know
the difference. I have collected crystals and our home looks
like a geology museum. It is a tendency of mine not to know
when to stop collecting things and it is only money that
prevents indefinite additions to such collections. I do get
fed up with one thing and move to another but the
collections are never given away or otherwise disposed of.
Attention deficits
Attention deficit
and lack of organisational skills are also major problems
and they have always been. I am the person who spent most of
her time day dreaming, staring outside of the window at
school in a trance whose work was marked in red ink: must
pay attention, careless errors. In conversations often I
miss the point and I find it difficult to follow TV
programmes or the plot in films
Adherence to
routines or rituals
I had plenty of
these as a child however this is really where there is
rather a grey dividing line between routines and rituals
connected with OCD. I recall having such routines as a child
and will mention those which have no fear as such attached
to them and where not motivated by intrusive thoughts of an
OCD nature. I had set routines in my everyday life such as
going to bed at exactly the same time. I had hand washing
rituals before going to bed and these had to be done. I had
rituals about bathing. In retrospect these were not OCD
rituals and had no connection with either germs or something
bad happening as is the case with OCD today. Most daily
activities were undertaken in a routine manner, although
there was no fear attached if such was not possible,
nonetheless I did not like changes to my habits and would
become stressed or agitated if I was unable to abide by
these routines. If major and irreversible changes did occur
I would adapt other routines to take their place. This area
is very confusing to separate from my OCD and I had numerous
religious rituals which were more of an OCD nature. And now
after all this time it is of course not easy to recall which
were which and at the time no distinctions were made
although there was obviously problems, which were noticed at
school and for which I was referred to a psychiatrist from
the age of three and again at eight. I have no personal
recollections of these interventions. I recall being
prescribed a sedative. My mother told me the sedative was
advised because I would scream in the street and was
generally disposed to crying and moaning all day and
generally being a misery. I was also diagnosed with
lactose intolerance because of cyclical vomiting.
Moreover my mother said that the school were concerned as I
did not play with my toys in the normal way. I have no
idea what this period in my life was really all about my
mother claimed to have few memories. However social services
were involved.
Today I do not like
changes in routine and changes in plans really upset and
confuse me.
I become angry and agitated and experience considerable
stress if there is change or the interruption in my routine.
After four years I am still not settled in my new home and I
have not completely recovered from the shock of this huge
change in routine. I do not like changing immediate plans.
I like to know each
day what I am doing and when. I am not at all spontaneous
and cannot cope with ambiguity.
Repetitive motor
mannerisms
I have the
involuntary compulsion to rock backwards and forwards
without realising
this and was teased for this at work in my late teens where
it was first bought to my attention. I continue to do this
today. Other less noticed mannerisms include swinging my leg
or foot when sitting cross legged and also swaying from side
to side.
Developmental delay
At my age now it is
impossible to recall if I had cognitive abilities suitable
for my age I have no recollection as to whether or not there
were any delays in self help abilities, such as dressing
myself, feeding myself, and so on or my curiosity about my
environment. There where delays in reading and I have never
been able to spell. The only problem I recall clearly
relating to the possibility of AS for as long as I can
remember is my social integration difficulties. There were
some problems at school with play and other matters
indicating a rebellion against authority at the age of
eight, at least according to a couple of letters in my
medical files. And also the problem with screaming in the
street referred to earlier of which my mother told me about
although I do not recall this myself. According to my mother
the school was concerned that I did not play with my toys in
the normal way
Following is list of
other diagnostic criteria associated with Asperger syndrome
or other ASD which seem not to be included in the DSM
Sensory problems:
Auditory
Sound for me is greatly
amplified at least by comparison to the reactions of others.
I am overwhelmed by noise and often hear noises or am
disturbed by noise that is either not heard by others or
does not effect others. With the occurrence of music just
about anywhere and everywhere in just about every public
building, I can barely cope I sometimes feel like a child
once again and there are times when I reach up to cover my
ears and feel like screaming. My sensitivity to noise seems
to becoming more enhanced. Sudden noise is anathema and
brings about an almost phobic reaction if I suspect such is
likely to occur. For instance if I see a child with a
balloon I immediately become tense should the balloon burst
suddenly. I react by covering my ears even now in adulthood
when really loud noises occur suddenly such as fire alarms,
fireworks, low flying air craft and the like. Noises such as
eating, swallowing and sniffing drive me crazy and even the
noise of people moving about, fidgeting is extremely
irritating jarring my nerves, for instance my husband
fidgeting with his glasses or licking his fingers to turn a
page which I don’t like anyway because of my OCD anxiety
about salvia and contamination. I don’t like the sound of
appliances such as vacuum cleaners and the washing machine.
I am significantly disturbed by a constant low frequency hum
from the local factory.
Physical sensation
of touch and clothing etc.
Clothing irritates
me particularly underwear, bras and pants. Anything tight or
made of rough material is impossible for me to wear. I can’t
wear wool next to my skin or even synthetic knitted
garments. I am sensitive to cloths labels and seams which
are bulky and crinkly materials. I change very early in the
evening into loose flowing night clothes, I can’t stand my
day clothes and can’t wait to discard them. Sometimes I
can’t sleep even with these lose fitting clothes as such
irritate when I become entangled in them such as a
nightdress wrapping round my legs.
Bright lights are a
problem particularly florescent.
This problem could
also be related to my chronic daily headaches and migraine.
Brilliant sunshine during the summer months seems now far
too bright. I am more comfortable with sunglasses. I can’t
cope with fluorescent lights.
A mixture of all the
above such as in a cafe where there is music, bright lights,
background noise - such as from coffee machines, the rattle
of cutlery, the babble of background conversations, children
yelling or crying and the pressure to make conversation is
overwhelming. In such conditions I can barely think, my
nerves are heightened, my stress levels rise and
difficulties with conversation are more accentuated and I
can barely hear or concentrate on what the other person is
saying. I can become completely overwhelmed.
Other problems (I am
not sure if these have anything to do with AS).
I don’t like crowds.
Particularly
when mixed with noise, bright lights. For instance a
shopping trip is nightmare of misery screaming children,
thumping music florescent lights and the hustle and bustle
of crowds is overwhelming
Prone to tantrums.
Screaming,
throwing things, yelling, ranting and raving, sometimes over
a small issue others would not be so angst about. Shouting
at the TV mostly about social injustice, politics, animal
rights and so on is a regular occurrence I am constantly
angry for reasons both personal and non personal.
Other peoples
opinions
I rarely if ever
understand another’s point of view although I attempt to
tolerate such opposing opinions no one will ever change my
mind and I appear as bigoted, self opinionated and
intolerant. I tend to think others are stupid and shallow
and cannot image how on earth they can possibly think or
behave the way that they do. I find it difficult to accept
that other people do not think the way I do.
Multitasking
This is impossible.
I can only concentrate upon one thing at a time and even
that is difficult. For instance I can’t do something when
someone is talking to me, I either ignore them or stop what
I am doing. Using the computer keyboard is difficult because
I cannot do this quickly while trying to think what to type
and what I write is often full of mistakes and needs to be
corrected considerably therefore it takes a long time to
write anything. Even preparing the dinner if it is
complicated is impossible now, just lately I cannot co
ordinate all the different stages both of these examples are
further complicated by my OCD.
Concentration
My ability to
concentrate and focus is greatly impaired. I cannot take in
verbal instruction easily and on some occasions not at all.
I have always learnt better from books than from a teacher
for this reason. I tend to hurry things and can’t cope with
reading instructions and cannot comprehended them
particularly if they are boring and I have no interest. For
instance I learnt to use a computer but don't know which
switch on the TV control to use to turn it on! I am
intensely interested in the former and have little interest
in the latter.
Information overload.
After a while my brain fogs over and I cannot think
straight. I am overwhelmed and often incapacitated by too
much information at one time in rapid succession or if under
pressure to react to such information Too much talking also
has this effect, by which I mean whenever I am being
subjected to too much talking by another person who does not
allow you to get a word in. Conversations exhaust me and
intensive occupation requiring complex thinking such as
studying or writing something like this does likewise and my
thinking becomes muddled and I feel confused.
Face recognition
I find it difficult
to recognise people unless I have known them for years or
see them everyday. This problem is more accentuated whenever
the person concerned is seen out of context as it where; if
they are somewhere I do not expect to meet them and this
occurs even if I have known them for years.
Tuning out, going
blank
This has occurred
for all my life. I go into what was once referred to as a
day dream and yes I do day dream. However sometimes I just
tune out so to speak or go blank as though I am in a trance.
I suddenly stop what I am doing, my eyes glaze over and I
stare into space - at least this the way that people who
have observed me describe what happens. Some times I can be
watching TV, reading, or even listening to someone talking
and I have no idea what I have seen, read or heard. it is as
though I were not there yet I do not black out as such. It
is difficult to explain quite what happens.
Perfectionist
I cannot tolerate
mistakes Don’t like learning new tasks have impatience
following instructions.
I am generally
hypercritical,
negative and
unforgiving, fixating on bad experiences with people or
events for an inordinate lengths of time. I adhere to rules
perhaps too rigidly. I am mainly a serious minded person
everything has to have some meaning or purpose.
I have difficulty
generalising
for example this
explanation which is in fact only a third of the original
length. I am told what I write is over detailed and rambling
but to me it appears inefficient, as to my way of thinking
all the details matter or at least I have difficulty knowing
which do not. I cannot be concise. It is the some with my
artwork, if I try to point from a photo I try to add every
detail I do not have the knack of painting the general
aspects thus art is frustrating.
I am indecisive
this is
significant indecision can be crippling indeed. I ruminated
over and over whether to give you all these written
explanations and whatever ever I have decided I will
consider that I have done the wrong thing and should have
decided differently. This however may be more related to my
overall anxiety.
I feel it is
important for me to know one way or another if I have AS or
other ASD; in addition to the reasons mentioned earlier it
may be difficult to get help from support groups such as the
Autistic society as they may not provide support without a
formal diagnosis if such is appropriate. I think most people
like a label it helps them understand what is wrong and to
have something to relate to, and I am no exception.
I consider
that AS has an effect on my OCD because the stress over my
communication problems and sensory issues increases my
anxiety. As OCD is made worse by increases in anxiety and
stress consequently, along with the reasons mentioned above,
AS has a detrimental effect on my OCD
Also quite simply I just feel the need to no one way or
another if my assumptions are correct.
Home
Return to
:
Articles
Introduction
If you would
like to contact me concerning this article please e-mail at
Wanderingmind54@aol.com
|