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April 2nd
I nearly did it!!!!! Today I almost threw away my old computer. I
got as far as actually agreeing to part with it, it has remained
here in this tiny room in which we use our newer computer and in
which I paint now for nearly three years. It takes up vital space,
makes the room seem even more crapped than it need be. The screen is
so dark, the monitor stopped working properly for the same number of
years and the whole system works ponderously slowly. This room is
tiny 8x 10 feet and by the standards of many of you our house is
tiny and for a family of pack rats, hoarders and clutters and
obsessive collectors who find it enormously difficult to part with
anything on an emotional and obsessive level, it is getting to be a
nightmare, although not to the extent of many of the
families and individuals featured on TV and magazine articles. In
any case the media deal only with the extremes. However all degrees of
hoarding and cluttering and inability to throw things away can
become a detriment and like any other obsessive compulsive behaviours
grow to intolerable and life impeding levels, either slowly
or alarming rapidly.
Incidentally some people find the term pack rat
demeaning. Personally I do not find it so and find it an endearing term
but I do see the point that it does perhaps give the impression that such
behaviours are merely an eccentricity which is sadly not the case;
when this condition, which is a type of OCD and is a recognised
mental health problem, gets way out of control it is a
considerable disadvantage to ones life. As was the case for an
acquaintance of mine who now on longer lives in the area whose house
did indeed resemble one of the more extreme TV scenarios.
With hoarding and cluttering there are mixed feelings. I love my
stuff, my collections and add to them knowing this is increasing the
problem. Depression makes me buy certain things, they are a comfort.
Rather like comfort eating, you enjoy it at the time, it might even
release some tension for a while but the after effects are a
detriment as you put on weight, become less fit, less healthy, which
in turn adds to your depression which than makes you more prone to
more comfort eating. A vicious cycle of misery. Hoarding and
cluttering can have a similar effect.
Compulsions also induce me to collect and hoard things and at
first like food such things bring comfort but conversely they can add to the
misery as your home becomes more and more cluttered and you find it
is beginning to effect what you can or can't do. A sea of stuff can
make it difficult to concentrate, indeed a room full of clutter
somehow effects both your motivation and concentration. It can
effect your mood as of course the lack of motivation and inability
to concentrate breeds depression and it becomes a catch twenty two
situation as depression than goes on to sap ones motivation and
concentration still further.
Yes one is so attached to ones clutter for one reason or another
that the pain of parting with it is considerable, a huge feeling of
loss, guilt even as though the items you are about to dispose of
have a life of their own. All three of us go though phases of
collections or accumulations. At one time it was crystals, the house, looks like
geology museum. Books, my son compulsively buys books they are so cheap,
second hand on ebay and Amazon. I also have many books but the problem
with my unlucky number adds its own difficulties here and there are
three piles of half read books, abandoned books, by the end of the
settee where I always sit. Nonetheless I keep buying them hoping
that things will change. I have bought books over many decades but
few have ever
been thrown out or given away even if I am no longer interested in
the subject and if on the rare occasions I have done so I usually
end up regretting this. Over the years I have also compulsively bought soft toys.
This
began when I was obsessed with the film The Gremlins which I watched
over and over again and again, sometimes in succession. I bought a
stuffed Gremlin, than another and another than a local shop began to
a make their own version and I bought each variation, but sometimes
even ones exactly the same. My son and husband bought me some and the collection grew. We became interested in sheep, sheep
became, and continue to be my favourite animal and I
bought stuffed toy sheep, the house is full of stuffed sheep. Others
stuffed toy critters also are added to the collection, bears, giraffes even the odd
dinosaur.
I feel really anxious about telling you all this should you think I
am crazy . I try to quell this passion but no the collection grows.
The odd thing is before I developed this passion for sheep which
began on our first holiday to the Yorkshire Dales when we still
lived in the south east, I did not notice just how many stuffed toy
sheep there are. Odd how we only notice things which are of interest
in or with which we are obsessed or which cause us concern, we must
miss so many things in our environment. Also ornamental
sheep, pictures of sheep. In addition there are all sorts of
ornamental clutter on our shelves, coins my husband likes to collect
and alls sorts of curiosities, we used to go to car book sales but
we do not do this now. Even when we loose interest in something it doesn't get thrown out away but shoved into boxes
in cupboards. Our shelves look like a bric-a- brac store. It takes three hours to dust our sitting room
because of all the odds and ends.
I now can not invite anyone in to my home, too embarrassed to do so,
although there is also the contamination fears here as I don't like
people coming in with their shoes on and it is not easy to ask
people to take them off and even if they do I don't know where their
feet have been previously. So in one way or another it is better not
to ask anyone in but it can be awkward and adds to our social
isolation. Last week two people called on the same day, I thought I
would go crazy. A neighbour bringing over a parcel for us the
postman had left. She chatted for a while, I really worried she was
offend because I did not invite her in. I allow people access to the
kitchen because a tiled floor can be easily cleaned although even so I am still anxious.
Another neighbour came with something to sign, he chatted for nearly
an hour all three of us including my husband standing in the
kitchen. I really knew I should ask him to come in and sit down,
offer a tea or coffee. This neighbour would have understood or at
least accepted my problem having problems of his own, in fact I
doubt if he would notice all the clutter, but the contamination fear
prevented me. He is a pleasant and well informed person and
discusses things which are of interest and had I not had so much
anxiety his visit would have been an agreeable one, although there is still awkwardness and
my conversation can appear confused and muddled as I struggle to
express myself. I nonetheless feel uncomfortable talking to this
person until the initial anxiety which now presents in any social
encounter has passed. So with one thing and another it is becoming
increasingly more difficult to have any social life outside of my
immediate family.
Recently we have lost contact with our one and
only acquaintance whose reciprocal visits become increasing few and
far between for reasons I cannot ascertain. We have not heard from
her now since well before Christmas, as this has happened on several
occasions we really do not know quite what to do. She always says
she will ring but never does for weeks. This time it has been months
so we felt that perhaps this person would rather not visit. It is
difficult to break a friendship or association, one cannot simply
say I find our association difficult, so people tend to mess you
about saying they will call than they do not, than after a while
feeling guilty they telephone you. This has happened before many
times in my life and now after a couple of these incidents I have to
assume the person no longer wishes to be friends. I really do not
know what else to do.
When I know someone is coming the problems is not as bad as we
remove as much of the clutter as possible upstairs, at least the
clutter on the floor, mostly stuffed animals and books. Obviously the
stuff on the sleeves has to stay where it is. Although this lady takes
her shoes off we had to ask her two or three times until
she did so without being reminded which was very awkward.
Naturally other people buy similar things, shops are filled
with soft toys, crystals have been very popular in recent years
although of course most people buy them for Crystal healing rather
than simply to collect, shops are of course crammed with books and I
suppose books are not seen in the same category and may not be
thought of as hoarding in quite the same way although it does depend
on the reason for collecting them, for instance study, interest and
so on but of course such intentions
one way or another are not apparent. Shops are filled with all
manner of ornaments, jewellery and just about anything and everything
that someone with a compulsion, perseveration, or keen interest is
likely to collect. People buy these things do they not, but don't go
on to hoard them long after the interest has passed and more
importantly they know when to stop acquiring them.
I also keep many other things not only collections but pointless
stuff such as the unusable computer already mentioned or clothes
which I will never ware. I keep every letter but when it comes to
writing to a friend in Australia I can never find the most recent
because it is lost in a sea of clutter and disorganised
confusion. My ability to organise is virtually non existent, it takes
enormous effort to even get things clear in my mind and any
organisation has to be planned meticulously. When it comes to simple
organisation requirements this state of affairs is even more of a
problem. Correspondence in particular is shoved anywhere. I don't
know sometimes what the hell to do with half the stuff that arrives
in the post, most of which is not personal but junk mail but the
problem is sometimes it is difficult to know which is which as even
businesses you deal with send junk, advertising and all sorts stuff
which has no relevance at all and after a while of it
accumulating on my table it gets pushed in some available
corner, in a book case, even under our computer desk here, in
cupboards anywhere everywhere. The fear here is throwing away
something that may be important.
Other hoarding compulsions involve anxieties about throwing away
something which may may be harmful as I have explained on many
occasions. To reiterate This problem is two fold and
consists of two OCD related ways of thinking. The first is the fear
of throwing away something perceived as harmful either to others or
to animals that may forage about in the tip, a rat for example. For
instance I can throw away the usual food, paper, bottles which have
previously contained harmless substances, drinks for instance and
other non toxic items but cannot throw away my empty paint tubes or
empty hair colouring bottle, empty ink cartridges and such like
should a molecule of the substance course harm. I cannot throw away
empty pill packets again should a molecule of the medication remain
and cause harm. The second fear is less definable and consists of a
general
free-floating type of anxiety, which sometimes borders on
fear.
This problem with discarding things and collecting other things is
increasing and it is becoming more of a problem for not only me but
my husband and son also. Hoarding is one type of OCD that is most
difficult to treat and many sufferers have no insight or if they do
they really cannot bring themselves to part with their possessions.
Somehow the motivation is not there as it is with other
manifestations of OCD. There are pleasures attached to hoarding and
one has satisfaction and comfort from ones stuff even though there
are mixed emotions when at times one is overwhelmed and longs for
space. There are however no similar emotions attached to
another types of OCD, such as contamination OCD or checking OCD;
there is neither comfort nor satisfaction derived from these
particular torments. Perhaps this is why hoarding and
cluttering is more difficult to overcome. One wants to desperately
rid oneself of contamination OCD, the hand washing for instance is a
nightmare, exhausting, frustrating, your hands become old before
their time cracked, dry uncomfortable, sometimes to the extent that
I can't sleep if I do not apply copious amounts of hand cream.
However that desperation to rid oneself of ones hoarding compulsion
does not quite have that desperation, at least when it comes to
getting rid of ones collections, memorabilia and the like. The
anxiety aspect though of obvious rubbish and the fear of throwing
away that which may be considered as harmful is however quite
another matter and like OCD contamination and other types of OCD
here there is no pleasure or satisfaction attached to these
compulsions, one really wants to see an end to the fear of throwing
these things away. My husband does not have this aspect of hoarding
, my son can't it seems to some degree throw away empty bottles
of toiletries in the bathroom but whether or not his reasons are similar to mine I cannot
tell as he denies there is a problem. Hoarding and collecting
is also common amongst people with Aspergers syndrome hence my son's
inclination to hoard and clutter.
Naturally these thoughts are my own perspective of course and other
hoarders and clatterers particularly those more severely effected
may see the whole problem from an entirely different point of view.
April 6th
Stop the killing in Tibet! China talk to Dalai Lama! Free
Tibet!
Slogans
chanted at the recent protest in London
I wish I could have been part of the demonstrations at the Olympic
torch relay today in London. Many years ago before my migraine
became too frequent and severe to go into London my family and I
went each year to join the annual march and protest concerning China's
invasion of Tibet, to demonstrate against this invasion and against
the appalling human rights record and the atrocities that have been
committed against the Tibetan people, which as we know continues
today .
I consider it shocking that Western Nations have stood by and
allowed this to happen and continue to ignore the plight of Tibet.
If that was not bad enough the fact that the world's nations are
willing to take part in the Olympic games held in china, a
repressive regime, a country with such an appalling human rights
record not only in Tibet but amongst their own people strikes me as
deplorable, a blatant disregard for social justice.
The situation is rather like the 1936 Olympic games, which took
place in Berlin , seemingly despite Nazi Germany's anti-Semitism,
the persecution of Jews and other minorities prior to world war two.
In the weeks proceeding the Games the Nazi regime actually toned
down much of its public anti-Jewish rhetoric and activities.
Sounds very similar to China’s attempts at presenting a facade in
order to stage the games,
which covers her appalling human rights record and attempts at
destroying the cultural and religious identity of the Tibetan people
where in modern day Tibet Chinese outnumber Tibetans. The staging of
the Olympic games in Beijing has not improved human rights in either
China or Tibet and the exclusion of the media from Tibet, due to the
recent protests there, is very worrying indeed and one wonders what
atrocities are now taking place and what other violations of human
rights will take place once the eyes of the world are no longer on
China, once the Olympic games have concluded.
The history of
China's abuse of the Tibetan people includes Genocide and the continuing
violation of human rights, since their invasion of Tibet in 1950, an
estimated 1.2 million Tibetans have been killed by the Chinese.
During the cultural revolution Thousands of Buddhist monasteries
where destroyed and tens of thousands of Tibetans sent to labour
camps. Religious freedom has been and continues to be severely
curtailed. Chinese has replaced
Tibetan as the official language. For more information and a
time-line of events please click:
Free Tibet Campaign - Information - Key Issues
Tibet is not a part of China, it is important that this
distinction is made and continues to be made. Recently I have noticed on TV most notably
on a CBBC news programme Tibet was described as a region of China rather
than an independent nation which until the invasion of Tibet was the
case. Such comments do disservice to the campaign to free Tibet from Chinese tyranny
as over time the world's nations will come to see Tibet as a region
of China which again I stress is not the case.
There are many things we can do to support Tibet's struggle for
independence. Visit the Free Tibet website where there are a number
of actions you may take such as writing to your MP or the Prime
minister, you can even write to the Chinese authorities. There are a
number of campaigns concerning many aspects of the situation in
Tibet such as the the Gormo-Lhasa Railway link project, a
politically driven project, a link which inextricably will tighten
China's control over Tibet. Also, the Stop The Torture campaign. The
Free Tibet campaign believes that torture must stop in Tibet.
"Our campaign 'Stop The Torture In Tibet' aims to draw the world's
attention to the endemic nature of torture in Tibet's prisons,
detention centres and labour camps despite China's own apparent
prohibition on torture."
For these and other campaigns please click:
Free Tibet Campaign - Campaigns
There are also petitions. Here is a link to two petitions
which are relevant to the present situation, they are easy to
complete and require nothing more than your e-mail address. It is
however better if you can write a personal letter in your own words
but if not at least these petitions give some indication of public
feeling.
Free Tibet Campaign - Gordon Brown: End the news blackout
Free Tibet Campaign - Join Team Tibet
Sometimes we think we can do little to stop the awful things that
happen in our world but every action however small makes a
difference. Rather like water dripping in a cave over thousand of
years will produce a stalactite. Each drop counts . Although of
course obviously this situation needs more immediate results the
principle is the same, every action however small accumulates.
Many visitors here are suffering terribly from their own afflictions
and an affliction of the mind, your very soul, which is what any
mental health problem is of course, can render you incapable
sometimes of taking any action. I know from my own experience how
OCD effects my ability to write and I have struggled over this entry
for a long time. Such struggles as those imposed upon the sufferers
of any mental health condition can destroy your compassion or
alternatively turn you into a hypersensitive person for whom the
suffering of others becomes a personal issue. Whatever way this
effects us sometimes we need to focus our attention on others, and
often feeling as though we can help others in some way can help us
to feel less overwhelmed and impotent, even if it is only one small
positive action.
Free Tibet's home page:
Free Tibet
Campaign - Chinese occupation of Tibet | Tibetans' human rights
April 9th
It has been a difficult time for me recently concerning my ability
to add entries to this blog and an article upon which I am working
has come virtually to a standstill. My difficulties with OCD in
general and concerning writing in particular has effected the number
of entries . Also in recent weeks days we have had to decorate one
of our rooms, the one that has damp due to a leak in the roof and
the consequence of penetrating damp.
Decorating is exhausting on both a mental and physical level. My
fibromyalgia or whatever it is that causes these aches and pains and
other symptoms was really a significant problem which left me in
terrible pain on the first day of decorating and exhaustion during
and after completion. We have had a very busy four days decorating
our computer room. Although only very tiny room it has taken a long
time and has been a stressful and gruelling endeavour, it needed
damp proofing and repairs to the plaster, the later went hopelessly
wrong and looked even worse that it did, before repairing. The walls
are still damp as the damp proofing of course is superficial and
will really do very little as it needs to be treated from the
outside and also whatever is wrong with the roof which leaks needs
attention. Both of these tasks are not an option.
Not the best time to do this with the awful weather but I could not
stand those damp patches anymore. With my health problems I should
really leave it to my husband and son but find it difficult not to
get involved, also guilty as it is not easy for any of us with our
various problems.
Also after any endeavour it is difficult for each one of us to get
back into our routine even though the stress and anxiety of having
our routine disrupted was considerable. It is difficult to focus my
mind once again on either this website or my art work which also has
been neglected of late. Sometimes it is as though my motivation is
entirely drained when not even my obsession with having to do
something useful each day overrides the apathy. It is with great
residence that I sit here now and yes anxiety is playing a role here
and I feel the need to get these entries uploaded as we are now into
April. I have had a particualry difficult time checking those
entries above and must upload today otherwise I will continue
obsessing and adding more and more turning each into a rather
daunting ramble which may overwhelmed many people.
I am deeply concerned about many of the awful things that happen in
the world, as a pacifist I abhor war and violence of any kind, I
despise social injustice of any form no matter how it is justified
and could write so much everyday if had the health and wherewithal
to do so. However this blog is really perhaps not the right
platform for this but from time to time I cant resist the need to
ask for people to sign petitions and for me to make my feelings
known. The situation in Tibet is often underplayed and little
understood by most people, at least until recent events which after
the Olympic games may once again fall into obscurity, thus I feel
perhaps more keenly the need to highlight this problem which has
gone on for nearly sixty years even though there are other equally
dire circumstances of the violation of human rights elsewhere in the
world.
I do not wish to be negative but for me personally I find it
difficult to set aside the awful suffering that occurs in the world
in one way or another. I do not wish to depress anyone but as I have
said before this is personal blog and as such it reflects me as a
person, how I think and feel, my world view which is naturally
effected in many ways by OCD. However to be unaware of the suffering
that is abroad in the world one really needs blinkered vision, so to
speak, it would be odd would it not if one is not in some way
effected by circumstances even those that occur thousand of miles
away in a culture and society that seems so different from our own.
I often wander what it is like for fellow sufferers in war torn
countries, in countries where there is famine, disease and in
countries like Tibet which struggle for basic freedoms we in the
west take for granted.
April 10th
Those who contemplate the beauty of the earth
find reserves of strength that will endure as long as life lasts
Rachel Carson
The weather forecaster announces an unsettled day in Cumbria with
mixed showers, meaning I assume rain, hail, sleet or snow, and
continuing cold. We had planned to go for a trip to the Lake
district, it is a longish trip out, a two hour drive so during the
winter months we tend to avoid going as it is a stressful drive home in
the dark through the hills with winding sharp bends. This year
it feels as though spring will never arrive and still there is a
threat of snow on the higher ground, but we had decided that today
we would go; as is usual with us we find it difficult to change
plans. Also if you wait for the weather to be just right you may
wait for some considerable time and before you know it autumn is
here again with the shorter days. Besides the scenery is lovely in
any weather and I had hoped that there may be snow on the
mountain tops and we wanted to see the tiny new born Herdwick lambs before they are all grown up.
As usual it is stressful; getting ready to go anywhere is now so
stressful, sometimes so much so because of OCD and other hindrances
that at times I feel like it is just too much effort. I had also
woken with a significant headache and worried for a while it would
be migraine. The pressure to be ready early added to my anxieties
over my headache. Also other dilemmas concerning headache caused me
to obsess, become indecisive. Because of irritable bladder borne I
now believe from anxiety I try to avoid drinking too much whenever I
go out, not that this makes any real difference; because of
anxiety as soon as I step outside I feel the constant urge to
urinate. So there is a dilemma as denying myself liquids may of
course cause a headache or enhance an existing one.
Fortunately the headache eased off enough to feel it was worth the
risk to go although it came back significantly in the afternoon just
when we decided to take a walk. I struggled nonetheless and walked
for about an hour including the return trip back to the car only
returning because of anxieties should my migraine escalate leaving
me with a considerable walk back in a lot of pain. Sometimes
migraine can come on quite rapidly, quickly reaching agonising
levels of severity. Fortunately however this headache was a tension
headache as it eased as we where making the return walk. Mind you a
tension headache can be severe and is a misery in its own right not
only becasue of the fear it might be migraine but also because it is a significant
detriment and mars any modicum of pleasure.
A stop for a drink in a
local pub became a nightmare with a customer entering with a dog and
the music in the toilet which drove me just crazy, my sensitivity to
noise enhanced by my dreadful headache. There is no sanctuary
anywhere it seems from noise. When we entered the pub it was quiet
than all of a sudden the din of the usual pop music boomed
from a loud speaker in the very cramped confines of the one and only
toilet, it was really just too much.
More obsessive dilemmas
including fearing to drink coffee... anything! should this irritate my bladder,
yet anxious worrying that not drinking something will make my headache
worse. Aggghhhh!!!
Sometimes I can't cope with the maelstrom of opposing thoughts and
indecision. Having made the decision to have a pineapple juice, less
than a quieter of a pint I would imagine, I immediately regretted
this thinking that coffee might ease my headache even though there
is no evidence from past experience that this is the case. My son's
comments right after ordering the pineapple juice that it is now
thought that coffee is not an irritant to the balder added to my
doubts that I should have had the coffee. It doesn't sound much I
know but such opposing thoughts and insignificant decisions crop up
all the time over just about anything and everything, the above is
merely one example amongst many.
Indecision for one reason or another is now becoming a significant
problem for all three of us to the extent that on arriving no one
seems to want to make a decision about where to go, which foot path,
for how far, when to return home... anything everything! Perhaps
this is one of the reasons routine appeals to all three of us, at
least with routine the making of decisions is reduced. Indecision is
a result of anxiety, it is also a result of stress and obsessive
thinking. For me personally making decisions particularly if they go
wrong cause me considerable apprehension and I would rather leave
this to the others, but nowadays it seems we are all having this
difficulty for one reason or another due to our respective
perspectives and increasing anxieties.
However notwithstanding the usual OCD and headaches and other
problems, which are such a part of my life that it is unrealistic of
me to expect a problem free day out, it was a pleasant day as best
as I can realistically expect. OCD is now so pervasive and
entrenched that there are few if any areas of my life unaffected by
it.
Despite the cold miserable weather there where glimpses of sunshine,
we did not see many Hardwick lambs close enough to photograph and
the batteries went flat and we could take few photos anyway. However
sometimes you can miss the moment; too intent on taking a photo and
preserving the memory you
miss the pleasure of simply enjoying the present. Most photographs ever really present the real
imagine one sees; even for a professional photographer a photograph
never does justice to any subject in quite the same way as simply
being present.
We did however mange to take a few photos three of which I will share with you.
 |
|
No Herwick lambs to photograph however these Balwen
Welsh Mountain lambs where just adorable. |
 |
|
We were delighted to see Llamas in a field near Lake Ullswater |
The photograph
below has been sized for use as desk top wall paper.
April 12th
This is my final request for your help with the ongoing campaign to
bring an end to the slaughter of baby seals in Canada. Recently I
received a news letter urging concerned individuals to write to
their representative on the European Commission.
"Dear Friend,
You may have watched the horrific footage
footage from
this year’s commercial seal hunt in Canada. Despite the Canadian
government claiming additional measures to ensure a humane hunt,
IFAW has again witnessed totally unacceptable scenes of cruelty.
The EU is on the brink of making a decision on
whether to ban the trade in seal products. If Europe bans the trade
in seal products it will send a strong message to Canada and other
seal hunting nations that Europeans want nothing to do with this
cruel trade.
Please write to your representative on the European Commission and
ask them to ban the trade in seal products in the EU.
Save the Seals: Take Action to End the Seal Hunt
Please help us to put an end to commercial seal hunting by ensuring
that a Europe-wide ban comes into place. The UK government must also
push strongly for this ban, to stop this trade in unnecessary
products."
The above link will take you to a form letter which
you many send to the trade commissioner. This letter is editable but
you may send it as it is. It would be good however if you can use your own words
but if this is not possible simply fill in the details and send the
form message, I am told this is still very effective and easier for
a lot of people.
You can also write a letter which may be more
effective but is not easy for everyone I know, particularly for
people who visit this website due to their respective conditions so
do not be concerned it you cannot do this, instead use the form
e-mail letter. Any action you can take is of value as it all helps to gage public
opinion about this issue.
If you do feel up to writing a letter here is the
address:
Postal address
Peter Mandelson
200 rue de la Loi
B-1049 Brussels
Belgium
Fax : +32-2-299 60 87
I would imagine that it is acceptable for anyone
to write to the commissioner concerning this issue even if you
do not live in the EU as there is a drop down menu to select
your country.
April 16th
"I exist" is the part of the National Autistic society's
campaign "Think differently" about autism. "I exist focuses" on
the often neglected adults with autism. Autism is a life long
condition yet adults are often ignored. Many adults often go
undiagnosed, I was recently told that it is not easy to diagnose
an adult and for this reason many professionals simply are not
prepared to diagnose adults particualry those who are older.
However this is not the case for everyone and adults do receive
a diagnosis even quite late in life. Many adults go through living life knowing that somehow they are
different yet not knowing why and oftentimes the validation of a
diagnosis helps to bring considerable relief, it helps the
person to feel that finally he knows why he is different " A
diagnosis can bring a sense of relief for both the individual
and their family and it can bring about an understanding of how
to deal with any problems they may be experiencing. It can also
sometimes make it easier for people to access services." quote :
NAS I exist campaign.
For adults on the autism spectrum life can be very difficult, many are isolated, they receive
little help or support and remain dependent on their families
As regular readers of my blog know my son has
a diagnosis of Aspergers syndrome, AS, which is a type of
autism. He leads a very isolated life with little social
outlet outside of our family other than a befriender. Without
this person he would have no social contact with anyone.
It is a difficult situation, he suffers with depression and
anxiety and I would now say severe stress. He will not see his
doctor, he says he can't cope with the stress of doing so, the
social interaction and simply
that ever present feeling of anxiety with is enhanced in such
situations. He has stopped his medication which it
appears was helping to at least alleviate the dreadful stress
somewhat even if it did little for his depression. From the perspective
of a parent of an autistic adult it is very difficult. I
can't make him see his doctor or get him to ask for help, I know
that at least a psychologist will be available but he won't
consider this. Sometimes it is often overlooked that a person
may not be able to cope with seeking help either because it is
so stressful to do so or he does not know how to ask for such
help, which is often the case for anyone on the autism spectrum. Most
certainly I worry about my son's future and as the
quotation on the "I exist" campaign's main webpage says "every
waking day you worry about the future of your child", and when
your child becomes an adult this worry does not diminish, in fact it
becomes much worse. I know my thoughts often turn to what will
become of my son when neither I nor my husband are here.
He has much potential. He is a very talented
artist but needs so much encouragement, his anxiety and
depression are crippling his creativity, his obsessive
perfectionism impeding is talent, sapping is motivation.
I also believe my husband to be on the autism
spectrum , of course without a diagnosis this is merely my
opinion. Most certainly my husband displays many of the
characteristics or symptoms of autism, he is most certainly
depressed and anxious. I, as you know, if you visit here
regularly have OCD plus a number of other mental health
conditions including depression, hypochondria, GAD, and a numebr
of physical conditions such as migraine and chronic daily
headache to name just two. So life is rather a struggle and
although I try to offer support to my son in my own way it is
difficult to do so and such support is often ineffective and
often, because of the severity of my OCD ,I know I make life
more difficult with my gloomy angst depressed demeanour and
increasingly more pervasive obsessive compulsiveness.
More needs to be done to encourage people on the
autism spectrum to develop any skills or talents which they have
and to encourage not only their abilities but to also exploit,
in a positive way I hasten to add, their particular
perseverations, (keen obsessive like interests) , rather than
see this characteristic of autism as a problem as appears to
sometimes be the case. You know the kind of thing restricting
the person's time on the computer, a common perseveration,
rather than encouraging this within reason of course. Often such
perseverations relieve stress and anxiety and should be
encouraged particualry if such might be adapted to
help the person to support himself. I rather think that
much of the technology that has enhanced our lives is the result
of the preservation of people on the autism spectrum. Also note
the success of Stephen Whiltshire whose talents, which
fortunately are also is preservation, have made it possible to
not only support himself and lead a normal life but to have made
him famous.
The Stephen Wiltshire Gallery Unfortunately my son's talents are not his
perseveration which would have perhaps provided him with the motivation
to overcome the and anxiety, stress, depression and obsessive
perfectionism and lack of self esteem which greatly impedes his artistic abilities.
Everyone has something to offer but sadly many
of us need help and support in order to contribute such talents
and skills. Without such support much of value both creatively,
scientifically and so on could be forever lost.
Many people with an autism spectrum disorder
will have a family member with OCD. It is my opinion that there
is a connection with OCD and autism. I believe many people with OCD have traits of autism or have a duel diagnosis. And of
course there is often obsessive-compulsive behaviours amongst
the symptomology of people with autism. I consider I have
at least significant traits of autism maybe even enough to
qualify for a diagnosis but right now such a diagnosis is
not available to me so and I have learned now to let this go,
although from time to time it does distress me that I cannot
find out once and for all. Whether or not you
have autism or have a family member with autism please do take
time to visit this website and this particular campaign. The
National Autisct society do an
excellent job in providing information, help and support
to people with autism and their families.
There are many things
you can do to help this project and much comprehensive
information available.
Think Differently About Autism - The National Autistic Society
April 19th.
This entry as been removed because it was uploaded before I had
edited it. It was riddled with mistakes. I am going through a
difficult time and uploaded it by mistake. It has been
here on my blog now for over two weeks, during this time not one
person thought to write to me to tell me about this mistake.
Either no one is visiting my website or simply no one can be
bothered to send just a short e-mail to let me know. I know some
of you are very incapacitated by your respective conditions but
surely there is someone out there who could have written to me
and told me.
I spend a lot of time writing for this website and feel very
disappointed by the lack of response.
*
Disclaimer :
No responsibility is accepted for the content of external links
including blogs:
Concerning blogs : Although I have initially looked through the
recommended blogs in my blog roll I have not read every single entry and
have selected each on its overall merit: interesting regular entries .
However the comments and opinions of the respective blog owners do not
necessarily reflect my own opinions.
*
Contact
I will endeavour to reply to all e-mail, however please bear in mind
that I have a number of quite debilitating illnesses and there may be
times when there will be considerable delay. Also I will not
publish anyone's comments, as appears to be the procedure
with blogs, without permission of the author : If you would like me to
publish your comments please indicate clearly at the end of your e-mail.
All comments are welcome including polite constructive
criticism and difference of opinion. However I reserve the right not to
publish anything that I consider would be offensive or in any way of
detriment to anyone particularly those who sufferer with the illnesses
included on this web site.
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